God Answers your emails!

Dear God,
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Martians are attacking.
Dear God in Heaven, please help.

Dear Aaron,
God helps those who help themselves. I suggest you look into this product:
Though the manufacturers cannot spell, I understand it is quite effective.
Hugs and Kisses,
On Thu, 13 Jan 2005, Mary wrote: Why are you the source of so many wars?
Mary Mary Mary... Clearly you do not comprehend My true Nature. One need only look to the Bible to see countless (well I know exactly how many there are but I can't be bothered telling you and sparing you some worthwhile reading) examples of how petty, vain and insecure I can be. How wonderful it is to actually have people FIGHTING over me... to the DEATH even!!! Fact is, I get off on it.

If you read my explanation of the 10 Commanments (yeah I know I only have gotten around to explaining 7 of them -- so sue Me, I'm old.) you'll get an idea of why this might be appealing to me.

Hugs and Kisses,
Your Divine Buddy